i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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