i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize