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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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