white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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