Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
