Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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