Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
