I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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