Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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