I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
