tequila makes me forget i have legs
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
