Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
