I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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