if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
