Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Randomize
