I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
