will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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