did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
