You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
