peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What a dumb baby whore.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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