Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
