The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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