Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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