Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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