She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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