what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
