I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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