I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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