His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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