So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
