i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
