I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
