I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
