Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
