can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
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I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.