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• (561): View more from Florida

  i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?

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• (518): View more from New York

  you're out of your mind

  (518): View more from New York

  you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear

  (518): View more from New York

  it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (206): View more from Washington

  As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.

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• (315): View more from New York

  He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.

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