So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes