I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
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Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
