Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.