I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
