I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize