a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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