He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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