once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
