Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
