you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
