I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
