my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
