at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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