nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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