I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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