The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
