McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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