so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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