3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
