I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You are the jesus of drinking
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
