I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Please don't give away my fajitas
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