there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
