my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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