For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
