He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
