Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
