My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
