I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
