you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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