You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
