An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
