I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
