No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
