So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
