it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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