I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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