Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
