he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
