so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
