I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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