So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
