I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
