we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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