Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
