Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
