Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
