I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
