you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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